So this year, after already seemingly watching award ceremony after award ceremony, and beginning a career in TV & Film production, and discovering that there are even more award ceremonies than I ever thought there were, I was a bit apprehensive when the news of the BAFTA winners popped up in my email. It all gets a bit much and I didn’t want to get lost, having to watch the ceremony online with a dodgy internet connection is not something I’m looking forward to, so I thought I’d put together this post about being baffled by the BAFTA’s, and explaining the ceremony award by award right until the very bitter end. I applaud you in the most conservative clapping manner if you indeed reach the end.
Let’s begin with the big boys.
12 Years a Slave, Anthony Katagas, Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen
American Hustle, Charles Roven, Richard Suckle, Megan Ellison, Jonathan Gordon
Captain Phillips, Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca
Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón, David Heyman
Philomena, Gabrielle Tana, Steve Coogan, Tracey Seaward
This is the award that anyone who is anyone and everyone who is anyone’s sister’s best friend’s hamster is excited about. The big award, the one to scoop, and seemingly more so, the one that everyone actually concentrates on and may even get a ‘whoop whoop!’ from the live audience, instead of a conservative two finger tap clap. Everyone must have sat in such anticipation as the film announced as the W!nn£r was definitely not expected in any way shape or form or has been dubbed the winner since before it was relased. Nope, no surprise there, whatsoever.
WINNER: 12 Years a Slave, Anthony Katagas, Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen
OUTSTANDING BRITISH FILM
Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón, David Heyman, Jonás Cuarón
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, Justin Chadwick, Anant Singh, David M. Thompson, William Nicholson
Philomena, Stephen Frears, Gabrielle Tana, Steve Coogan, Tracey Seaward, Jeff Pope
Rush, Ron Howard, Andrew Eaton, Peter Morgan
Saving Mr Banks, John Lee Hancock, Alison Owen, Ian Collie, Philip Steuer, Kelly Marcel, Sue Smith
The Selfish Giant, Clio Barnard, Tracy O’Riordan
Outstanding/Best British Film is a category that although, often sits in the shadows of the Best Film category, actually has more significance in the film buff world. I don’t know if you’d noticed but the BAFTAs stand for British Academy of Film and Television Arts, so the fact that there’s a British only section, is kind of just. Sneaky, but just. Muahaha us Brits ey. Anyway, whilst everyone is mopping their tears over the Best Film winner announcement and doing their 3rd cheers of the night already, some British folk in the audience are going ‘Eh?!’ at the announcement of the \/\/*nn£r of this category. Gravity. Oh erm you mean with British actors Sandra Bullock and George Clooney and British Director Alfonso Cuarón? Oh yeah, totally…erm, Cheers! Well I guess it was filmed at Pinewood studios…makes it British right?
WINNER: Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón, David Heyman, Jonás Cuarón
OUTSTANDING DEBUT BY A BRITISH WRITER, DIRECTOR OR PRODUCER
Colin Carberry (Writer), Glenn Patterson (Writer) for Good Vibrations
Kelly Marcel (Writer) for Saving Mr Banks
Kieran Evans (Director/Writer) for Kelly + Victor
Paul Wright (Director/Writer), Polly Stokes (Producer) for For Those in Peril
Scott Graham (Director/Writer) for Shell
Well this award is simply just like ‘AW! How cute!’ No really, as a recent graduate of English Literature, I took some creative modules alright and it means a lot for someone to like your work. These guys-winning an internationally acclaimed super award- must have felt the same as me when I got told that I had a nice use of alliteration in a seminar once.
WINNER: Kieran Evans (Director/Writer) for Kelly + Victor
FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
The Act of Killing, Joshua Oppenheimer, Signe Byrge Sørensen
Blue is the Warmest Colour, Abdellatif Kechiche, Brahim Chioua, Vincent Maraval
The Great Beauty, Paolo Sorrentino, Nicola Giuliano, Francesca Cima Metro Manila Sean Ellis, Mathilde Charpentier Wadjda Haifaa Al-Mansour, Gerhard Meixner, Roman Paul
This is the award where everyone just kind of smiles and nods and inwardly slaps themselves on the wrists for not watching any of the films in this category. Well done though.
WINNER: The Great Beauty, Paolo Sorrentino, Nicola Giuliano, Francesca Cima Metro Manila Sean Ellis, Mathilde Charpentier Wadjda Haifaa Al-Mansour, Gerhard Meixner, Roman Paul
The Act of Killing, Joshua Oppenheimer
The Armstrong Lie, Alex Gibney
Blackfish, Gabriela Cowperthwaite
Tim’s Vermeer, Teller, Penn Jillette, Farley Ziegler
We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks, Alex Gibney
This is the award where murmurs erupt underneath the blanket of two finger tap clapping, and you catch a glimpse of someone mouthing ‘I thought this category was just for David Attenborough? That’s who I voted for?’
WINNER: The Act of Killing, Joshua Oppenheimer
Despicable Me 2, Chris Renaud, Pierre Coffin
Frozen, Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Monsters University, Dan Scanlon
Everyone perks up at this point because they finally recognise not only this category, but this movie too. ‘Cos watching those minions wreaking all that havoc is easier watching than actually having to endure something that might make you think! (See category above).
WINNER: Frozen, Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Steve McQueen for 12 Years a Slave
David O Russell for American Hustle
Paul Greengrass for Captain Phillips
Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity
Martin Scorsese for The Wolf of Wall Street
I simply have no words to say on this category because if it were me, I would have just awarded the award to Daivd O Russell for American Hustle as he was the only Director who actually took the time to make sure he presented a film that rhymed with his own name.
WINNER: Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity
Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell for American Hustle
Woody Allen for Blue Jasmine
Alfonso Cuarón, Jonás Cuarón for Gravity
Joel Coen, Ethan Coen for Inside Llewyn Davis
Bob Nelson for Nebraska
Original screenplay you say? Well if I wrote a screenplay about two astronauts who suffer set back after set back in their desperate return to Earth, one making it, the other sacrificing themselves with interjecting themes of wilderness survival and motifs of psychological change, I’d be pretty p****d off too if it lost out to swishing glittery jumpsuits and stripey platform shoes…and that silver dress.
WINNER: Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell for American Hustle
John Ridley for 12 Years a Slave
Richard LaGravenese for Behind the Candelabra
Billy Ray for Captain Phillips
Steve Coogan for Jeff Pope, Philomena
Terence Winter for The Wolf of Wall Street
You know what I’m glad Steve Coogan won this one and I’m sure everyone else in the audience thought the same. He hasn’t had the same appeal to me since Alan Partridge (and I mean late 90s Partridge not Alpha Papa) so he whole heartedly deserved this award for his great work on Philomena. Stealing the limelight a bit from Jeff Pope, but Jeff Pope is Jeff Pope and he’s probably really nice and doesn’t mind too much anyway.
WINNER: Steve Coogan for Jeff Pope, Philomena
Bruce Dern for Nebraska
Chiwetel Ejiofor for 12 Years a Slave
Christian Bale for American Hustle
Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street
Tom Hanks for Captain Phillips
I wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate Chiwetel Ejiofor on his fantastic performance as Peter, Kiera Knightley’s unsuspecting charmingly wonderful newlywed other half in Love Actually. That All You Need is Love scene…set high expectations for the man I marry since 2003. I haven’t seen this yet but apparently he’s good in this too.
WINNER: Chiwetel Ejiofor for 12 Years a Slave
Amy Adams for American Hustle
Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine
Emma Thompson for Saving Mr Banks
Judi Dench for Philomena
Sandra Bullock for Gravity
I think the fact that Cate Blanchett spells her name with a C instead of a K is proof enough that by this point in the awards, everyone was just like, give it to Kate, I mean Cate. Does it matter? They both sound like Cake. There’s cake?
WINNER: Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine
Barkhad Abdi for Captain Phillips
Bradley Cooper for American Hustle
Daniel Brühl for Rush
Matt Damon for Behind the Candelabra
Michael Fassbender for 12 Years a Slave
This is where the ceremony will have gotten all serious and all like ‘seriously guys, an unknown actor could completely sweep the overestimated Bradley Cooper’s and MATT DAMON’s off their feet. And rewarded for his incredible performance in Captain Phillip’s, Barkhad Abdi was, now that’s pretty impressive for your first film…ever.
WINNER: Barkhad Abdi for Captain Phillips
Jennifer Lawrence for American Hustle
Julia Roberts for August: Osage County
Lupita Nyong’o for 12 Years a Slave
Oprah Winfrey for The Butler
Sally Hawkins for Blue Jasmine
If Jennifer Lawrence hasn’t already won this award before she was born then there would have been outcry. Not only is she like, THE coolest and most loveable young actress since, well ever, she’s frigging good at what she does. Hustling her way to this award perfectly.
WINNER: Jennifer Lawrence for American Hustle
Hans Zimmer for 12 Years a Slave
John Williams for The Book Thief
Henry Jackman for Captain Phillips
Steven Price for Gravity
Thomas Newman for Saving Mr Banks
I’m always backing John Williams on whatever he does, because he made Harry Potter magical for me. He didn’t win this, therefore myself, and all the other Harry Potter fans in the audience (everyone) didn’t care about who won. Who was it? Oh yeah. Great.
WINNER: Steven Price for Gravity
Sean Bobbitt for 12 Years A Slave
Barry Ackroyd for Captain Phillips
Emmanuel Lubezki for Gravity
Bruno Delbonnel for Inside Llewyn Davis
Phedon Papamichael for Nebraska
This is the point where everyone is just chatting amongst themselves until someone does a ‘You’re being rude’ cough of ‘Ahem’ to remind everyone that this category does exist and could everyone please stop playing Flappy Bird and pay attention.
WINNER: Emmanuel Lubezki for Gravity (May I add not many people have pictures of themselves just chilling in space, real or faked).
Joe Walker for 12 Years a Slave
Christopher Rouse for Captain Phillips
Alfonso Cuarón, Mark Sanger for Gravity
Thelma Schoonmaker for The Wolf of Wall Street
Mike Hill, Dan Hanley for Rush
Hey editing is important okay. Just because the table has run out of complimentary Prosecco and the free bar is only beer and wine doesn’t mean you don’t have to applaud the guys that edit you in the movie guys! They can just as easily edit you out…
WINNER: Mike Hill, Dan Hanley for Rush
Adam Stockhausen, Alice Baker for 12 Years a Slave
Judy Becker, Heather Loeffle for American Hustle
Howard Cummings for Behind the Candelabra
Andy Nicholson, Rosie Goodwin, Joanne Woodlard for Gravity
Catherine Martin, Beverley Dunn for The Great Gatsby
Proof that The Great Gatsby was the greatest film of 2013, so much so it’s still making an impression a year on, still clinging onto a place on the list. Pretty much like being awarded #37 on the UK Top 40 music chart.
WINNER: Catherine Martin, Beverley Dunn for The Great Gatsby
Michael Wilkinson for American Hustle
Ellen Mirojnick for Behind the Candelabra
Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby
Michael o’Connor for The Invisible Woman
Daniel Orlandi for Saving Mr Banks
This would have been an interesting moment in the ceremony, because realistically, you have all of these beautiful and glamourous movie stars, perched in their straight off the runway, haute couture, vintage designer gear congratulating someone that they probably can’t remember the name of who made them look 10 x better than their publicist that day. If only Leonardo Di Caprio wore a salmon suit every day.
WINNER: Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby
MAKE UP & HAIR
Evelyne Noraz, Lori Mccoy-Bell for American Hustle
Kate Biscoe, Marie Larkin for Behind the Candelabra
Debra Denson, Beverly Jo Pryor, Candace Neal for The Butler
Maurizio Silvi, Kerry Warn for The Great Gatsby
Peter Swords King, Richard Taylor, Rick Findlater for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Cough, same as above. Well it is isn’t it?
WINNER: Evelyne Noraz, Lori Mccoy-Bell for American Hustle
Richard Hymns, Steve Boeddeker, Brandon Proctor, Micah Bloomberg, Gillian Arthur for All is Lost
Chris Burdon, Mark Taylor, Mike Prestwood Smith, Chris Munro, Oliver Tarney for Captain Phillips
Glenn Freemantle, Skip Lievsay, Christopher Benstead, Niv Adiri, Chris Munro for Gravity
Peter F. Kurland, Skip Lievsay, Greg Orloff for Inside Llewyn Davis
Danny Hambrook, Martin Steyer, Stefan Korte, Markus Stemler, Frank Kruse for Rush
If you don’t have a movie with sound, you have a silent movie. And then, these award ceremonies would be very different. This was such a nothing comment. Who even knew sounds was a category? Don’t blame me.
WINNER: Glenn Freemantle, Skip Lievsay, Christopher Benstead, Niv Adiri, Chris Munro for Gravity
SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS
Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, David Shirk, Neil Corbould, Nikki Penny for Gravity
Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, Eric Reynolds for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Bryan Grill, Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Dan Sudick for Iron Man 3
Hal Hickel, John Knoll, Lindy De Quattro, Nigel Sumner for Pacific Rim
Ben Grossmann, Burt Dalton, Patrick Tubach, Roger Guyett for Star Trek Into Darkness
OBVIOUSLY GRAVITY WOULD WIN THIS ONE THEY’RE IN SPACE (FAKE SPACE) FOR GODS SAKE. Fake space set in Buckinghamshire.
WINNER: Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, David Shirk, Neil Corbould, Nikki Penny for Gravity
BRITISH SHORT ANIMATION
Everything I Can See From Here, Bjorn-Erik Aschim, Friederike Nicolaus, Sam Taylor
I Am Tom Moody, Ainslie Henderson
Sleeping With The Fishes, James Walker, Sarah Woolner, Yousif Al-Khalifa
I think Sleeping with the Fishes means dead and so does the audience but they’re not sure cos they chose to watch Gossip Girl on Netflix instead. Polite two finger tap clapping all round. Is that glass of wine for me?
WINNER: Sleeping With The Fishes, James Walker, Sarah Woolner, Yousif Al-Khalifa
BRITISH SHORT FILM
Island Queen, Ben Mallaby, Nat Luurtsema
Keeping Up With The Joneses, Megan Rubens, Michael Pearce, Selina Lim
Orbit Ever After, Chee-Lan Chan, Jamie Stone, Len Rowles
Room 8, James W. Griffiths, Sophie Venner
Sea View, Anna Duffield, Jane Linfoot
It’s no Room on the 3rd floor video, I think McFly would be equally as proud though.
WINNER: Room 8, James W. Griffiths, Sophie Venner
THE EE RISING STAR AWARD (voted for by the public)
“Haha yeah I remember that kid, he was on that slightly unfunny but funny e4 comedy show for kids, aw bless him, 14 isn’t he, he must feel great… 20! He’s 20?! Since when?”
WINNER: Will Poulter
So there you have it, after the big awards, the BAFTAs are fairly boring and just an excuse for everyone to get rat arsed. So all in all, a pretty British affair.
Haha- Look how adorable Steve McQueen is.