A letter to all the young girls

Image result for moody teenager

Dear young girls across the world,

I found really sad to read in the news today that among 10 to 15-year-old girls, the children’s society charity reported that 14% are unhappy with their lives as a whole, and 34% with their appearance.

I actually find this statistic quite upsetting because I for one, have never struggled with being unhappy as a child. My levels of happiness have decreased since being an adult of course, that’s a given right? But to acknowledge that there is a number of young women out there, who are fundamentally unhappy with themselves and their environments, whilst by contrast the study found that boys’ sense of happiness remained stable, is a really alarming piece of information that leads me onto a number of things that could be causing this turbulence in the pre teen and teenage years of womanhood.

First of all, Instagram

Yeah, we all have it, yeah we all pick the best filter so it looks like it was 5 degrees hotter than it actually was on holiday and yeah we all mindlessly scroll through post after post wishing we were ‘that skinny’ or could ‘cook that well’ or was ‘that rich’.

But we need to wake up and smell the sausage and carrot pasta (a cheap, easy and not very instagrammable meal for anyone who is interested) and admit the fact that Instagram is FAKE.

I will tell my sister who fits into this teen age bracket that what you see on Instagram, celebrities, personal trainers, fashion bloggers, your friends afternoon tea post, most of them, are set up, they are organised, they are faked, or exaggerated, they are not representations of real life. Real life is the bunch of candid snaps of you and your mates as you lark around in the park doing cartwheels and pulling funny faces at each other, the ones you wouldn’t put on Instagram. But instead, people choose the one where they are delicately (and in some cases seductively) licking an ice cream, which they probably have no intention of eating, despite still having the metabolism of a child (god damn you, it runs out pretty soon after 19 let me tell you!)

Have fun, take photos, don’t think about poses or what looks best on Instagram. Because the thing that looks best on Instagram is not the ‘best version’ of you. It’s the staged version of you. God the only staging I was doing at 15 was pushing around the crappy crates we had in our drama classroom to make a stage out of.

Secondly, The Kardashians, and Gigi and all those other models

You don’t look like Kylie Jenner, or Gigi or Bella Hadid, and you’re sad about it. But you also don’t have millions of dollars and the desire to get your face sliced up and stiched back together before your 17th birthday. These girls PAID to look like that. They went under cosmetic procedures to look like that. They (well their equally as deluded) rich celebrity parents paid for it. You’re going to have to make do with a Natural Collection eyeshadow pallet and some sparkly lipgloss. It’s what it’s all about. Boys might ogle at Kylie and Gigi and Bella and all the other ‘models’ out there, but believe me, they are all too ugly to even get within a foot of a girl who actually looks like that IRL (I’ll give you a clue: no one actually does). So don’t sweat it that Callum in Yr12 fancies Kylie Jenner and you wished you had bigger lips. In a year’s time you’ll realise that Callum only wants a fumble up your bra at that house party of the year and that you’re actually beautiful because you’re smart and respectful of yourself. Sure, slap a face of make up on if you want, we all do it from time to time. But take it from a girl who tried to hide away from having red hair and pale skin because it wasn’t deemed ‘attractive’ enough, being a bit different or not having peroxide blonde hair and an orange tan actually works in your favour as you get older and boys like Callum fade and boys like Chris who studies medicine and your mum just ‘can’t wait to meet’ comes into the picture.

And finally, there’s all this outward confidence, but what happened to all the inward loving?

Take some time out from the pressures of being 15. You’re being grilled by your parents to do that extra French homework, and you’re also being told to tidy your room for the 5th time this week and not stay on your phone all night and why aren’t you coming to watch Coronation street? I was 15 ten years ago, and although it feels like ages (I am old n haggered lol) it really wasn’t. I still remember the fights with my parents (soz guys), and the binge eating my feelings on 6 KitKats after school and then trying to eat dinner. But your parents are nagging you because they are terrified they might have done a shit job and you’re actually going to end up working full time in McDonald’s, so prove them wrong on that one. You’re being asked to tidy your room because it’s a tip and its actually a lot easier to sleep and chill out in a tidy room and if you eat 6 kitkats after school, so what? Go on a run with your mates (not alone you’re 15 and female, society hasn’t moved on that much in 10 years on that front) or join an after school sports club because god damn it when you move to London at 21 and find out it costs £300 a month to play for a netball team when you used to play it for free, that’s a kick in the teeth.

In the words of a wise man (apart from the toe cancer thing) called Bob Marley. Don’t worry and be happy. Because you’re 15, and frankly wait until you’re 25 and having an existential crisis about whether you’re a child or an adult or if you have enough money to eat that week. That’s when you actually need to freak out.

Yours sincerely,

Girl who did it before you.


p.s don’t you just love the picture, it’s me at 15

I’m not fat shaming…I’m fat shaping

Okay I wasn’t going to comment on it, but my stupid everyone-has-to-hear-my-opinion nature got the better of me, so I’m going to talk about whether being Fat is Fabulous and I’ll open up very bluntly and honestly with no…no it’s not. You might remember I did a post a few weeks ago surrounding the controversy of Tess Holliday becoming the first ‘Plus Size’ or what we actually call ‘clinically obese’ model. There’s been a debate today in the news whether we should call fat women fabulous and the only answer to this question is no, no we bloody well should not.

Jameliaa got slammed this week for kind of maybe a little bit but not really saying FAT PEOPLE ARE HIDEOUS BURN ALL OF THE CLOTHES THAT SHOPS SELL OVER SIZE 20, and then I heard some guy on BBC Radio London this morning saying JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS SIZE 24 DOESN’T MAKE THEM UNNATTRACTIVE. Umm, perhaps it doesn’t make them unattractive, beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all but scientifically if someone is a size 24 by choice, they are literally hammering nails into their own coffin. No one became a size 24 from eating celery and having a tuna steak with grilled veg for dinner. When I used to work in Topshop I would constantly be asked why leggings were not stocked in sizes upwards of a size 16, and I had to point customers down the road to Evans who ‘specialised’ in bigger sizes. I’m not condoning Topshop not selling clothes upwards of size 16, but I’m not condemning them either. Like Jamelia said, we should as a nation, be promoting a healthy body image, one that isn’t obsessed with being a size 0 and one that’s not lost control of eating habits and ended up a size 24.

I’m sick of beating around the bush and feeling bad for saying the truth that everyone knows. Being fat is not fabulous. In fact it’s bad. It’s bad on your heart, it’s bad for your bones and it’s bad on your self esteem. You get the odd jolly fat person who’s bubbly and ‘totally comfortable with their size’, but are they really? Are you telling me you don’t wish that you could be a healthy size for your height? At 5″7, I’m classed as tall for a woman, and I’m around 9 1/2 stone, give or take a few pounds depending on how the stress eating is going. I wouldn’t say I was fat, but I’m certainly not at the weight I want to be and was when I was 17 (god damn that young metabolism!). Now I’m not going to sit here and say I’m the knowledge on health and exercise, I eat quite well and I go running probably not as many times a week as I should and I occasionally buy a muffin from the canteen but I know that for me, personally, I would like to lose a little weight. I’ve watched my best friend lose 3 stone over the course of a year and never look or feel better, I’ve been out with someone who beat the bulge and went for 16 stone to 11 stone and they are both people close to me that I saw change not only what they ate and how much exercise they did, but the changes they made to their lifestyles.

As much as smoking and drinking and going out all the time tends to be the lifestyle of most students and homeless vagrants, getting up earlier and going for a light jog in the morning can be too. But so can sitting on your arse, feeling sorry for yourself and eating another cake to continue a cycle of not doing anything about it. Before I get any hate comments saying that I’m fat shaming, I’m not,I’m fat shaping. I know that some people have thyroid problems which impacts their weight and some people have syndromes such as Prada Willi and I get that, I totally do, we’re not just one big pile of statistical data that we can take presumptions from, but what we are as a collective is human beings and as human beings we deserve to respect our bodies.

We’ve been bombarded by media tempting us with sugary food and drink and quick fix meal options for too long and this stupid national myth that eating healthy is expensive! I went to my local market last week and I bought all my salad and veg for the week, 4 chicken breasts, a loaf of bread and stopped off in Sainsbury’s to get some yoghurt for dessert and it cost me £13. £13 to eat healthy for a week, it really isn’t hard, you just have to think outside of the (pizza)box. We need to use our own mediums of new media to be able to help ourselves eat better and live better; there are more food bloggers on the internet and apps like Instagram than ever before and we need to take advantage of these delicious and wholesome recipes that are FREE for us to use, the inspiration really is endless.

Here are a few of my favourite food blogs and instagram accounts to follow-


Deliciously Ella

The Body Coach